By Dr. Darren O’Reilly, Chartered Psychologist and Founder of AuDHD Psychiatry
In the first part of this series, we looked at why emotional regulation is harder for children with ADHD and how big feelings can seem to appear suddenly. This section builds on that by focusing on the early internal signs that emotions are rising, and how you can help your child notice what is happening in their body before those feelings spill over.
What Internal Cues Look Like
Internal cues are the signals inside the body that show a feeling is building. They can include changes in breathing, heart rate, muscle tension, or how a child experiences sound, light, or touch.
They are different from external triggers such as a noisy classroom or a sudden change of plan. The trigger is what happens around the child. The internal cue is what happens inside the child in response. Many children with ADHD move quickly from one moment to the next and do not pause to notice these signals.
One parent described her son this way: “He goes from fine to furious in seconds.” When they slowed things down together, they noticed that his hands tightened into fists and his breathing sped up just before he exploded. For families who are also wondering whether big emotional reactions and strong sensory responses might relate to autism as well as ADHD, a free autism test for children can sometimes be a gentle way to reflect on patterns before speaking with a professional.
Common internal cues include:
- fast or shallow breathing
- tight shoulders, jaw, or hands
- “wobbly” or tight feeling in the stomach
- sounds, lights, or touch suddenly feel “too much”
Why ADHD Makes Noticing Harder
Emotional regulation depends on attention, memory, and the ability to pause before responding. These are areas where children with ADHD often need extra support. They may react before they have processed what happened or before they can find the right words.
Children with ADHD also tend to focus strongly on what is happening around them and find it harder to tune in to what is happening inside. Emotions rise quickly, leaving less time to notice early signals.
Contributing factors include:
- fast emotional reactions that leave little time to pause
- attention pulled to the environment rather than the body
- difficulty remembering to “check in” when stressed
- internal cues that change quickly or feel hard to describe
Triggers and Situations to Watch For
Children may not yet be able to name what their body feels like, but you may notice that certain situations almost always lead to big feelings. A child might seem fine until homework starts, then quickly become restless or tearful. Another might manage a noisy birthday party but come home and collapse in tears.
Common triggers and situations include:
- just before or during transitions, such as leaving the house or stopping a favorite activity
- loud or busy spaces
- unclear or multi-step instructions
- rushed routines or unexpected changes to plans
Practical Ways Parents Can Support Noticing Internal Cues
Simple routines at home can help children learn to notice what is happening inside their bodies. Calm moments create space to practice this skill before emotions run high. Modeling is a helpful first step. You might say, “My shoulders feel tight, I think I need a small break,” or “My heart is beating fast, I am going to take a few slow breaths.”
Gentle prompts can then help children practice noticing for themselves. Questions such as “What does your tummy feel like right now?” or “Do your hands feel calm or fizzy?” give children words for their experiences. Visual supports, like a simple body outline or feelings thermometer, can make this easier. When children do notice and share a body signal, specific praise helps reinforce the skill.
Helpful strategies include:
- modeling your own internal cues out loud in everyday situations
- asking simple, choice-based questions about how the body feels
- using tools such as body maps, color scales, or feelings thermometers
- praising and gently reviewing early efforts to notice and share internal cues
More in this series
Read Part 1, Why Emotional Regulation is Difficult in ADHD
Be sure to watch for the next installment of this series, where we’ll talk about:
- Using external tools to make emotions easier to understand
- ABA alignment: using structured visual supports, consistent routines, and predictable cues that reduce ambiguity and increase successful responding.
About the Author
Dr Darren O’Reilly is a Chartered Psychologist and Founder of AuDHD Psychiatry. He writes about ADHD and autism with a focus on clear, practical guidance for families and adults.